Tyler Wilson

Posted: Wednesday, Sep 10, 2008 - 10:18:15 pm PDT
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Tyler Wilson

Expert election analysis

Everything I know about politics I learned from "The West Wing." Seven seasons of President Josiah Bartlet gave me the strength to endure those real life government blunders. Well, a few of them anyway.

"The West Wing" had a rather idealistic agenda. It portrayed politicians as noble, hard-working agents of democracy and American values. What a fantasy world, right? I might as well wear a button on my shirt that says, "I Believe in Harvey Dent."

With "West Wing" long gone, I am now forced to engage in the real life happenings of Washington, D.C., and also, apparently, Alaska. Man, have I been out of the loop.

Since I'm a member of the journalism community, I'm reluctant to even mention vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin. My goodness, I don't want to be accused of lashing out at the lady, uh, person.

But you see, I was chatting with my editor the other day, and he said, "Write something that will offend our core audience. Controversy sells! Go Cubs!"

Editor's note: Tyler Wilson has not spoken to an editor in over seven months.

Now this "Sarah Palin Fever" is pretty hardcore, especially around these parts. The morning after her big convention speech, I watched two 60-year-old men giggle and rave about her for, like, 45 minutes. It reminded me of what I felt like after seeing the new "Batman" movie.

Take it from me, that kind of fanboy fervor is dangerous. Remember those New York film critics who wrote negative "Dark Knight" reviews? Yep, demoted to the obit desk.

I don't care how you vote, but let's take the giddiness down a notch. Haven't you people read the script? The media can only cover one rock star politician per year.

I don't discuss my political beliefs with strangers, but what bothers me about Sarah Palin is her weird sense of humor. "What's the only difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?" That's not even a good joke. I told that same joke in third grade and I got a piece of fruit thrown at me.

Stage charisma and small town values don't make you the red state Tina Fey. But don't take my criticism too seriously. I believe in Sarah Palin. If she can do it, by golly, so can I.

No really. I graduated from the University of Idaho. I have the same degree, a killer GPA and three gushing recommendation letters. Give me 15 years and some librarian glasses and I, too, will be just a heartbeat away from the oval office. From here, you really can go anywhere!*

All kidding aside, let me say this: Vote for the person who shares your ideals, your hopes and your dreams. And when you have done that, you can go back with your head held high and say, 'I am a member of the democratic party!'

Whoops, sorry. I pulled that straight out of a "West Wing" episode. Remember when Jimmy Smits gave that awesome speech at one of those convention things? What a great show.

Oh, screw this. I've got all the "West Wing" seasons on DVD. Let me know when this election business blows over.

Tyler Wilson can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.

*In reference to a University of Idaho marketing slogan circa 2003. Sarah Palin wrote all the lame jokes in this column.