TYLER WILSON: T-Dub Awards 2017

Print Article

  • 1

  • 2

    foxsearchlight.com “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” wins Frances McDormand the coveted T-Dub Award for Best Performance.

  • 1

  • 2

    foxsearchlight.com “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” wins Frances McDormand the coveted T-Dub Award for Best Performance.

You can take your Oscars and put them in a sorry little sack, because the most important movie awards of 2017 are here… and they come with the frattiest, most self-indulgent name in the business.

I need a couple more weeks to compile an official “Best of 2017” list. In the meantime, please enjoy these official awards, and remember, they’re just as meaningless as the Golden Globes.

• • •

Best Hero Moment: Wonder Woman crosses No Man’s Land in “Wonder Woman”

Best Movie People Get Mad at Me for Recommending: “A Ghost Story”

Runner-up: “mother!”

Best Commentary on 2017: “Get Out”

Runner up: Online reaction to “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”

Best Movie You’ve Never Heard Of: “Brigsby Bear”

Worst Blockbuster: Tom Cruise’s “The Mummy”

Let the Franchise Die: “Alien: Covenant”

Runner-up: “Transformers”

Best Performance: Frances McDormand in “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

Runners-up: Saoirse Ronan in “Lady Bird,” James Franco, “The Disaster Artist”

Just Give Him an Oscar Already: Gary Oldman in “Darkest Hour”

Best Debut Performance/ Best Performance by a Kid: Brooklynn Prince, “The Florida Project”

Best Performance in a Mediocre Movie: Salma Hayek in “Beatriz at Dinner”

Best Forgotten Performance: James McAvoy, “Split”

Underrated Performance: LilRel Howery, “Get Out”

Best Redemption (Tie): Kristen Stewart’s performance in “Personal Shopper,” and Robert Pattinson’s performances in “Good Time” and “The Lost City of Z”

Best Movie Born Out of a Bad One: “The Disaster Artist,” about the making of “The Room”

Runner-up: “Spider-man: Homecoming,” after the creative disaster of “The Amazing Spider-man 2”

The “Wish It Played Here Before New Year’s” Award (Tie): “The Shape of Water” and “Phantom Thread”

Most Shocking Scene at a Dinner Table: “Lady Macbeth”

Runner up: “The Beguiled”

Most Shocking Late Night Snack: “Raw”

Best Fight Sequence: The Throne Room, “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”

Runners-up: Jailbreak, “The Fate of the Furious” and Thor vs. Hulk, “Thor: Ragnarok”

Proof Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Can Make Anything Work: “Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle”

Proof He Can’t: “Baywatch”

Best Send-off: Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) in “Logan”

Saddest Too Soon Send-off: Carrie Fisher’s final screen appearance in “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”

Best Musical Moment: The pageant in “Logan Lucky”

Runner-up: Title sequence, “Baby Driver”

Best Chase: The opening of “Baby Driver”

Ickiest Movie to Watch Post-Hollywood Sexual Harassment Scandal: “Baby Driver” (Thanks a lot, Kevin Spacey.)

Most Easily Forgotten: “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales”

The “Not a Movie” Award: “Justice League”

The Way Too Long Award: “Transformers: The Last Knight,” even after missing the first 40 minutes.

Funniest Movie: “The Big Sick”

Best 2017 Movie That’s Sorta-technically a 2016 Movie: “Your Name”

Most Surprising Plot Turn: Woody Harrelson (redacted) in “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

Most Satisfying Climax: “Colossal”

Biggest Outlier: I didn’t love “Dunkirk,” a gorgeous movie saddled with a sterile screenplay.

Wished it Was Better: “Detroit”

Best “I Wish I Could Write That” Screenplay: Greta Gerwig’s “Lady Bird”

Insanity on Screen (Good): The Climax of “mother!”

Insanity on Screen (Bad): “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter”

Stop Saying It’s Good: The overbearing “Beauty and the Beast” remake

Stop Saying It’s Bad: “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” (Let it go, haters.)

Movie Made Seemingly Just For Me: “The Lego Batman Movie”

Runner-up: “The Disaster Artist”

The CGI is the Star Award: “Kong: Skull Island”

Teary-eyed Pixar Moment of the Year: The end of Pixar’s “Coco”

Most Frustrating 22-Minutes in a Theater: The “Olaf’s Frozen Adventure” “short” that played in front of “Coco”

Best Hairstyles: The cast of “Battle of the Sexes”

Best Looking Movie (High Budget): “Blade Runner 2049”

Best Looking Movie (Low Budget): “The Florida Project”

The “It” is Metaphorical: “It Comes At Night”

The “It” is a Terrifying Clown: “It”

Best Netflix Exclusive: “Mudbound”

Runner-up: “First They Killed My Father”

Worst Netflix Exclusive: “A Christmas Prince”

Runner-up: “Pottersville”

Best Netflix Performance: Carla Gugino in “Gerald’s Game”

Strangest Relic of 2017: Netflix’s “Bright,” a gritty cop movie starring Will Smith and an orc

Better Than the Original: “John Wick Chapter 2”

Best Worst Movie: “XXX: The Return of Xander Cage”

Best Guilty Pleasure: “The Hitman’s Bodyguard”

Runner-up: “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets”

Biggest Whatever: “Power Rangers”

My Kids’ Favorite Movie: “The Boss Baby”

• • •

Tyler Wilson can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com

Print Article

Read More Entertainment

Prosecutor: Prince thought he was taking common painkiller

AP

April 19, 2018 at 3:16 pm | MINNEAPOLIS (AP) — Prince thought he was taking a common painkiller but instead ingested a counterfeit pill containing the dangerously powerful drug fentanyl, a Minnesota prosecutor said Thursday as ...

Comments

Read More

The Latest: Investigative videos show Prince's dead body

AP

April 19, 2018 at 2:47 pm | MINNEAPOLIS (AP) — The Latest on the investigation into Prince's death (all times local): 4:45 p.m. Newly released investigative material in the probe into Prince's death include several poli...

Comments

Read More

Expert: Benadryl, quaaludes could've affected Cosby accuser

AP

April 19, 2018 at 1:33 pm | NORRISTOWN, Pa. (AP) — Bill Cosby's chief accuser could have been made woozy either by the cold and allergy medicine Benadryl or by quaaludes, an expert testified Thursday as the prosecution rested i...

Comments

Read More

The Latest: Judge rejects Cosby team's bid for acquittal

AP

April 19, 2018 at 1:15 pm | NORRISTOWN, Pa. (AP) — The Latest on Bill Cosby's sexual assault retrial (all times local): 4:05 p.m. Bill Cosby's lawyers have lost another bid to cut his sex assault retrial short. Judg...

Comments

Read More

Contact Us

(208) 664-8176
215 N. Second St
Coeur d'Alene, Idaho 83814

©2018 The Coeur d'Alene Press Terms of Use Privacy Policy
X
X