But it’s gotta be good for something

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  • Steve the Llama

  • 1

    Photo by DUANE RASSMUSSEN.

  • Steve the Llama

  • 1

    Photo by DUANE RASSMUSSEN.

Here’s a question: What is the most unusual and impractical thing you’ve ever bought?

That happens to be on my mind today, because our friend Duane Rasmussen sent over a frantic email about a close-out sale going on at Sherman Hardware.

In the big picture, naturally it seemed bad news. Anytime an establishment with a long local history shutters its doors, we all lose something.

That gloomy discussion, however, will have to wait for another day — because Duane’s message included a photo of a scythe hanging on the wall at Sherman’s.

And immediately, I wanted that scythe.

I mean, why not?

There’s absolutely nothing I can do with a scythe, living here in a condominium, but still...

It would be so cool.

OH, WAIT! I just thought of a use for the scythe. The thing would be perfect for dressing up as the Grim Reaper next Halloween. Isn’t that enough reason to splash out for a giant, swooshing farming tool?

The truth is, I have a weakness for things I don’t need — and some of them have even been alive.

For instance, when I was working in Utah, I used to drive home past a ranch run by the local Hare Krishna congregation. The Krishna crowd kept their place afloat by raising and selling llamas. So day after day, I would slow down — and sometimes park — to stare and admire the llamas.

What’s more, we had a huge backyard.

Once again, I thought: Why not? It would be terrific to have guests over for dinner, and watch the looks on their faces just before they screamed: “My God, there’s some 10-foot creature at the back window!” I could casually spread another chunk of cheese on a Triscuit and say, “Oh, that’s Louie the Llama. Don’t be alarmed...unless you have to walk to your car.”

Perfect, except...

My ex-wife vetoed the entire llama project. She never really appreciated my sense of humor, which explains... Well, never mind.

AGREEING to forget the llama, I did score a coup by getting Mrs. Ex’s approval for a dog — and brought home a 164-pound Great Pyrenees who believed she was a poodle. Suitable for cuddling and sleeping on the bed, naturally.

However, my lovely pup’s bark could be heard in three counties — hey, they were bred to guard sheep over miles of mountains — so ultimately I had to find her a ranch where they actually did have some sheep. A sad breakup... as was the departure of Mrs. Ex, who may have been unhappy when I was sent out for milk one night and came home with a boat. Sigh...

At the moment, my only useless possession is a stuffed animal. He’s about the size and shape of Wile E. Coyote (I had one of those, too), but he’s got the general features of a tiger — plus some slick sunglasses. Oh, and he’s pink with black spots.

That’s it for now...but I’m still thinking about that scythe.

So what’s YOUR wildest, silliest purchase? C’mon, tell us!

And by the way, Seven Stars Ranch has some llamas — right in Coeur d’Alene.

•••

Steve Cameron is a columnist for The Press. Follow A Brand New Day at facebook.com/BrandNewDayCDAPress. Email: scameron@cdapress.com

——

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