Maybe you can get lucky on Halloween

Print Article

The only thing scarier than Halloween was my second honeymoon. Grotesque masks, glow-in-the-dark costumes and brain-damaging strobe lights all night long!

Halloween was much tamer. Scholars believe Halloween originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, when people would wear costumes to ward off roaming ghosts and time-share salesmen.

By 43 A.D., the Roman Empire had conquered the majority of Celtic territory and the “bobbing” for apples was added to commemorate Pomona, the Roman goddess of fruit and trees. In the second half of the 19th century, young women believed that on Halloween they could divine the name or appearance of their future husband by doing tricks with yarn, apple parings and mirrors. If a woman I met on eHarmony ever pulled out yarn, apple parings and a mirror, I would be out the back door faster than Anthony Scaramucci.

In the 1950s our parents didn’t worry what might be in the apples or candy, other than the sugar that had us bouncing off the walls. Kids wore costumes of cowboys, ghosts or princesses. You never saw a kid walking around with a fake axe in their head. It was a gentler time. We were too busy diving under our desks in case the Soviet Union dropped a hydrogen bomb on our school. Kids today can’t go trick-or-treating without a security detail.

The banks in Los Angeles put up signs a few days before Halloween reminding customers to take their masks off before entering. In what other city do you actually have to tell someone to take their mask off before entering a bank? This might come as something of a shock to you people in Coeur d’Alene, but it’s starting to look like there might be a whole lot of idiots living here in California.

In 1988, I was driving a retired police motorcycle a few blocks from UCLA just before Halloween, when I saw a car slowly crawling up the street towards me. Some guy wearing a gorilla mask was hanging halfway through the passenger window. I thought the car had accidentally shifted into gear and the driver was simply trying to jump in and hit the brakes. What would you think? Suddenly a bank guard, down the block, runs out into the street and starts shooting at the car, which by then was right next to me. Several bullets just missed me, shattering the rear window of the getaway car. The bank guard, thinking I was a cop, shouted for me to chase them. I asked if they had guns and he shouted, “Of course!” I said, “No, thanks!” and drove away. Weird things always happen to me.

Every family has its own Halloween tradition. In mine, my father would drop my sisters and me off just outside the city limits on Halloween night. Since I was the oldest I always got the compass. For years I thought this was a cherished family tradition but later learned it was just bad parenting. I guess when you have four kids, you get creative in finding time alone with your wife. When we finally found our way back home, all our bags loaded with candy, both Mom and Dad had the biggest smiles we had seen since last Halloween.

My son is now 43 years old, and I have to admit I miss those days when he was just a kid, eager to fill his bag with trick-or-treat candy. If you’ve got young children, I envy you. Enjoy every moment, because they grow up so fast. If you live in northern Idaho, I envy you even more. Happy Halloween!

• • •

Tom Neuhoff is a comedy writer whose wit and spleen reside in Hollywood, but his heart remains in North Idaho.

Print Article

Read More My Turn

Prop 1: A threat to tribal self-reliance

October 06, 2018 at 5:00 am | Coeur d'Alene Press The Coeur d’Alene Tribe opposes Prop 1 and I want Idahoans to understand why. We have joined with thousands of others across Idaho and we are contributing significant resources for the Vote NO cam...

Comments

Read More

Here’s an invite to understand our Idaho

October 05, 2018 at 5:00 am | Coeur d'Alene Press Next week, the wholly reimagined Idaho State Museum is set to open in Boise. After several years of planning, fundraising, and implementation, we’re finally ready to say, “Here we are, Idaho.” Idaho...

Comments

Read More

OPINION: CHUCK MALLOY — Idaho Democrats soft on Trump

October 03, 2018 at 5:00 am | Coeur d'Alene Press Republican congressional candidates over the years have made a living bashing California Rep. Nancy Pelosi and the liberal agenda she would bring to the House of Representatives if Democrats get cont...

Comments

Read More

OPINION: MIKE BAKER — Tyler just one example why Prop 2 should pass

October 03, 2018 at 5:00 am | Coeur d'Alene Press On Nov. 6, Idahoans have the chance to cast a pivotal vote that will help our citizens in the Medicaid coverage gap, bring taxpayer money back to Idaho, and create jobs. This incredible opportunity i...

Comments

Read More

Contact Us

(208) 664-8176
215 N. Second St
Coeur d'Alene, Idaho 83814

©2018 The Coeur d'Alene Press Terms of Use Privacy Policy
X
X