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Rules of the (hic!) air road

| June 3, 2020 1:00 AM

Reporter’s note: Quotation marks show direct quotes from the media, such as a newspaper. All other commentary is from Your On The Street Reporter.

Report 8: My Drinking is Your Problem

Various locales

This report is distilled, so to speak, from a variety of news sources and personal experiences.

Experience One: Aboard an airplane above New Mexico. Your reporter recently flew into and out of the state of New Mexico. To celebrate my arrival, I ordered a glass of wine from the flight attendant (conversations in this report are paraphrased, taken from my excelsior and sober memory).

Flight attendant, “Sorry sir, we are flying into New Mexico and cannot serve alcoholic beverages while in this air space.”

After an in-depth investigation, your reporter discovered an airline passenger de-planed at the Albuquerque International Airport (international, because some Albuquerque planes fly into and out of Texas), got into his car, and caused an accident — with his inebriation cited as the reason for the crash. Further investigation revealed the man had consumed alcohol during his flight.

Further analysis revealed this act of irresponsibility was the fault of the airlines. After all, shouldn’t a flight attendant be trained to serve booze and simultaneously administer alcohol-blood-level tests to hundreds of passengers?

The airlines’ customers, conditioned to be irresponsible citizens of America’s blameless society, are not deemed sufficiently equipped to say, Enough! I’m my own designated driver. Nope, it is not the responsibility of us citizens to control ourselves. It is the responsibility of someone else — increasingly Uncle Sam. And companies — such as airlines — are increasingly restricting their services, because these very services are resulting in more lawsuits.

This logic is backward. The airlines should not be held culpable for serving too many drinks. The drinker should be held culpable for drinking too many drinks. But our culture, sodden with lawsuits filed at the drop of a hat, must continue to protect our collective asses. Meanwhile, yet more laws are passed to make our country even more inclined toward suing. The result is our taking measures to further protect our asses and pocketbooks … resulting in more laws and lawsuits.

On-and-on, staggering stumbles (albeit sober ones) toward yet more laws to wrap cocoons of safety and security around us and perpetuate an already wasteful and extravagant legal system.

Experience Two. Sitting at a Bar in the Phoenix Airport. Having left the dry air (ha) of New Mexico, your reporter found himself at a bar in the Phoenix International Airport (international, because some Phoenix planes fly into and out of New Mexico). While waiting for a flight to Palms Springs, I placed my order:

— Reporter, “I’ll have a club soda with lemon.”

— Bartender, “Could I see your ID please?”

— “Oh? I’m flattered. I’m also over three times the legal age for drinking, and I’m not drinking alcohol.”

— “Sorry, that’s the rule here.”

— “OK, here’s my driver’s license. Just curious, why do you card an old man for a non-alcoholic drink?”

— “The company doesn’t want to get sued.”

— “For serving club soda to a Medicare recipient?”

— “Had a problem a few weeks ago. Served a drink to a minor at this bar. He ended up getting in trouble, and we got into a jam; lawsuits and all. The owners now make us card all bar customers for anything they order.”

— “To protect you from lawsuits?”

— “Not myself, the owners. I don’t make enough money for anyone to want to sue me.”

I leave it to you to unravel these pearls of wisdom, and what it reveals about where America is headed. It seems to me we increasingly blame others for our failings and then try to sue them for what should be our responsibilities.

I like this idea, modestly proposed by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Let every man shovel out his own snow and the whole city will be passable.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson, Journal, summer, 1840)