COEUR d'ALENE - A couple pages are devoted to where to find important things like your lost kid, an ATM, or the bathroom.
But all three pages of inside spread is reserved for the goods, ... er, grub.
If it can make stomachs rumble, it's at the North Idaho Fair and Rodeo, and the fair guide spells out in seasoned detail where to find precisely the fare you're looking for.
Elephant ears? Of course.
Clam chowder? Now we're talking. And yes, at the Post Falls Lions Club booth.
Deep fried Twinkies, yep, Lamb burgers, check.
If it's crave-able, it's locatable. After all, the chow-down booths bring in at least $70,000 a year for the fair, no small potatoes.
"Anything you want," said Keith Ekness, grilling baseball bat-sized sausages and something called beer balls at Ekness Catering's stand at the fairgrounds Thursday. "Everyone has a different taste and variety."
The one constant, though, is they all bring an appetite.
"It's the best part of the fair," said Dan Gardner, eating a buffet of nachos, fries and hot dogs with his family, not the normal lunch or dinner piling for Coeur d'Alene locals.
But, just as everyone else said, the county fair is a one-time deal, so discipline can go out the horse trailer window.
"It comes once a year," Gardner said. "And if you miss it ..."
You're outta luck. Nobody eats like this at home.
"It's so good," said Lily Sitar, of Athol, who ate chicken, fries and corn on the cob so delicious she "wished it would grow back on the cob," and topped it off with some shaved ice. "It's really good."
Fair guides, with a list of food vendors and their offerings, are available at the fairgrounds. The fair runs through Sunday