WILLIAM RUTHERFORD: Celebrate and embrace your mom

Print Article

Today is a very emotional day for me. This is my fourth Mother’s Day since the evil bastard, lung cancer, steals the short, 70-year life from my mother. As the disease consumes my mother’s body, it rapes my heart. With each of her last breaths, I die a little inside. Three months after her diagnosis, her bowels separate from her body and a 20-something doctor declares, “There is nothing we can do. Your mom is dying.” Hating the emotionless declaration of the young doctor I struggle with my extreme heartbreak. My mind fights my heart and I become analytical.

“How can I support my family? What arrangements do I need to make to deal with my mother’s dead body? Who do I call to inform of my mother’s impending death?”

My daughter and I hold my mom’s hands as she struggles for her last breath. Her death is peaceful, sad, angry and discontenting. As my mom takes her last breath, my daughter and I look at each other, cry, then admire as her wrinkled skin tightens on her face. “Grandma would like to know that her skin is wrinkle-free,” my daughter offers as I unexpectedly laugh. “Yep!” I offer as I loosen my grip, take a step back and look in disbelief at the dead body, with a smooth face, of the woman that birthed me. Good night mom. I love you!

Buying cigarettes for mom at the Tuolumne local market I scold, “No; I’m not going to buy you cancer sticks. These are going to kill you.” As a 10-year-old child, I equate the carcinogens entering her body with her possible early demise. I love my mom and don’t want her to die before I get my drivers license. “You smell like cigarettes!” my mom scolds me. “Are you smoking?”

“No,” I declare loudly then yell, “I smell like you.” My mom, startled by my anger, begins to cry. Frustrated that mom challenges me to not be a smoker while dismissing my brother and sister, who are smoking as early adolescents, I wonder, why me? I carry this question of discovery through my entire life. Why me?

Why are my brother and sister held in privilege while I am disregarded as the dumb child, the compliant child, the unmotivated child? Why do my parents laugh at my siblings’ jokes while telling me to be quiet when I have something to offer? Why do my parents tell me that I sing like a turkey when my brother and sister sing with expression and love? How do I fit into this world?

In my 54 years on this Earth, I find my purpose. I struggle with confidence because I never find purpose as a child; but as an adult, I make my purpose. Today I am able to forgive, forget and celebrate the life of the mother who gives life to me.

Regardless of your relationship with the moms in your life, celebrate, embrace; don’t waste negative emotions or thoughts of past arguments, fights and struggles. Today, I remember most every argument I had with my mom and struggle to find our giggles, laughs and tender moments.

I challenge each of you to find time to make more smiles than frowns, to make more tears of joy than tears of anger and forgive and forget negative emotions that are not important. Forgive today. Tomorrow may be too late.

• • •

Send comments or other suggestions to William Rutherford at bprutherford@hotmail.com or visit pensiveparenting.com.

Print Article

Read More Food and Health

Bowden drive collects blood during shortage, recognizes law enforcement

AP

January 18, 2019 at 5:45 pm | One by one, Columbia residents arrived Friday at Grace Bible Church, ready to donate blood in honor of Officer Molly Bowden, who died of gunshot wounds in 2005. Bowden's parents, Beverly and David Th...

Comments

Read More

Idaho teen vaping on the decline, but national popularity prompts concern

AP

January 18, 2019 at 12:00 pm | Though education surveys show vaping use is down among Idaho high school students, health officials are concerned about vaping’s rising popularity among teens nationwide. According to the 2017 Id...

Comments

Read More

Idaho needs a study of marijuana legalization, not an ad campaign

AP

January 18, 2019 at 12:27 pm | In many ways, Idaho’s reluctance to experiment and try bold solutions to problems can be frustrating and no doubt holds us back as a state in some areas. In other ways, though, Idaho’s aversion to be...

Comments

Read More

Furloughed Feds’ Health Coverage Intact, But Shutdown Still Complicates Things

AP

January 18, 2019 at 5:00 am | [UPDATED at 2:45 p.m. ET] Joseph Daskalakis’ son was born New Year’s Eve, a little over a week into the current government shutdown, and about 10 weeks before he was expected. Little Oliver e...

Comments

Read More

Contact Us

(208) 664-8176
215 N. Second St
Coeur d'Alene, Idaho 83814

©2019 The Coeur d'Alene Press Terms of Use Privacy Policy
X
X